Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I checked into jail on foursquare
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
