I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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