I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
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