2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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