Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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