you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
