WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
