I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
