Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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