she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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