I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
