How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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