you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
she told me i tasted like america
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
