She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Randomize
