If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
