it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
