That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
