oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
