Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
