I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
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