Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Randomize
