im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
