I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
