well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
NoShamevember. You game?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
