dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
