I wish you could order shots online.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
