I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
