I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
