The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
