They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
