she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
