i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
