Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
