is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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