Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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