But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
