Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
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