cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Every concussion has its silver lining
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
