Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
