Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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