No stitches, just platelets and will power
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
