Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
