What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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