i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
