Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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