Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
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