i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
