Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
