When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Operation Purity has been aborted
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
