I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
