i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
